tHiS iS mY mInD

WiLl He EvEr Be MiNe?

2004-12-22T15:05:00.000+08:00

Every day I try really hard
to get his attention,
but no matter what I do,
I'm left with that same question...

Does he notice me?

When I look at him I see
an attractive, quiet guy.
I can't help but wonder
and ask myself with a sigh...

When he looks at me, what does he see?

I'm so excited when I see him
and I'm determined to say, "hi."
But somehow I get nervous
and the chance passes me by.

How many chances do I get?

I sit and daydream about
the life we could have together.
If only he knew I existed,
then he could be mine forever.

When will my dreams come true?

Just one little embrace
is all I would need
to ease the hurt
in a heart that bleeds.

Will I ever get that embrace?

Every night I wish
that someday he'd be mine.
I guess I'm just waiting
for God to give me a sign.

Will HE ever be mine?

LoVe

2004-12-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

The four-letter word everyone longs to hear
To have that special someone whisper it in your ear
We wait our whole lives for the real thing
Many times mistaking what was only a fling

When you find that someone, you'll know it's real
Because in your heart, it will be love you feel
When you look in their eyes and feel your heart beating
You'll know it's the love that is never fleeting

Unselfishly you give your heart...
Hoping and praying it will not be torn apart
If ever this love proves not to be true
He'll leave with something belonging to you
A part of your heart forever he'll take
You will get over this, for your own sake

After all, you must still go on
For it is not your whole heart that is gone
Many believe in love at first sight
If you find that someone, hold on tight

Work on the relationship to make it grow
And in time you will know
If this is the love, you've waited your life for
You will never want or need... anything more

BlAcKhOlE

2004-12-22T14:53:00.000+08:00

Theres something I'm lacking
Something I can't find
Something I'm lacking in the back of my mind

I'm lacking a part of me
That makes me whole
My hope? My dream? My unfinished goal?

Feed me what's taken
Feed me what's not there
Feed me everything
Feed me care
Feed me a piece of what I can't see
Feed me a piece of what makes me

This blank spot inside
That won't seem to fill
This blank spot inside
I can't seem to heal
Can you fill this spot
With the love you give
Can you fill this spot so I can live

ChEmIcAl PrIsOn BaRs

2004-12-22T14:49:00.000+08:00

Today is the day when grown men cry,
Today is the day the world will die.
For tomorrow comes and the world will end,
So farewell to loved ones and farewell my friend.

Our fate is decided the war is here,
No time for peace the tanks draw near.
The missiles are ready and point to the sky,
Our final dawn, our last goodbye.

Children are afraid to play in the street,
For fear of destruction that they may meet.
Adults hurry and rush around,
To secure their place in the underground.

The streets are deserted or so it seems,
Just the constant noise of the sirens scream.
Then all at once a light fills the sky,
The end of the world for you and I.

FaNtAsY

2004-12-22T14:39:00.000+08:00

Last night I had a fantasy-
A fantasy of me and you.
It seemed so incredibly real,
I almost thought it was true.

We were walking along the ocean shore,
And the wind blew against my face.
Slowly you put your arms around me,
Next, I was wrapped in your embrace.

I turned around and looked at you,
My soul got lost in your eyes.
We just stood there by the ocean
Underneath the velvet sky.

You led me to a dock
And there we sat.
We talked and talked,
And giggled and laughed.

Then you just stared at me,
And whispered in my ear.
"I love you..." was that it?
It's something I've longed to hear.

The world felt like it had stopped moving,
And we were all by ourselves.
But suddenly I got dizzy all over
Just as the clock struck twelve.

My body shivered,
And I felt nothing but afraid and fright.
Where am I...? I wondered-
All alone in my room at night.

I wish those moments would go on,
Or maybe even become a part of reality.
Yet, I know that will never happen,
'Cause it is all just a fantasy.

ThE TrUe MeAnInG Of ChRiStMaS

2004-12-22T14:30:00.000+08:00

Just a week before Christmas I had a visitor. This is how it happened. I just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed, when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind the Christmas tree.

"What are you doing?" I started to ask. The words choked up in my throat and I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager, boisterous soul we all know. He then answered me with a simple statement . . ."TEACH THE CHILDREN!" I was puzzled. What did he mean? He anticipated my question and with one quick movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree. As I stood bewildered, Santa said, "Teach the children!Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten. "Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantle. "Teach the children that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man's thoughts turning toward heaven."
He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR. "Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise."
He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE. "Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness."
Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree. "Teach the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection."
He then pulled from his bag an ORNAMENT of himself. "Teach the children that I, Santa Clause, symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December."
He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF. "Teach the children that the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly berries represent the blood shed by Him.
Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said, "Teach the children that God so loved the world that he gave his begotten son." Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift.
Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree. "Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane is the symbol that we are our brother's keeper."
He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL. "Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace and good will toward men."
Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL,. "Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should ring mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return.
Santa looked back and was pleased. He looked back at me and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said, "Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas and do not put me in the center, for I am but a humble servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship him, our LORD, our GOD."

tEmPoRaRy bLiNdNeSs

2004-11-06T08:36:00.000+08:00

I cry and yet no one can hear me,
I bleed and yet no one can see,
I shudder in my tears at night,
With all thats left inside of me,

My reality is far more different
Of those who abide by calling themselves humans.
I’m dying inside yet no one know,
My heart has been ripped to shreds.

I’m frozen in my own time zone,
My own world,
And no one’s come to my rescue

Can YOU not see me,
Feel me,
No human even understand me,

Don’t pretend YOU do please me,
I am my own person,
Underneath this tragic appearance
Is someone who has a heart.

Far more better than those of any other being.
I am who I am,
Even if YOU'RE too blind at the moment
To notice the real me,

If YOU feel it isnt worth it,
Then it isn’t worth for YOU to think of me,
Criticize me,
And think of all the things I’ve had to say,

No one can see the world from my point of view,
So dont act as if YOU know what’s happened to me,
Where sometimes I’m coming from
In the darkened resort of deep desperation

To get the demented attention
That my soul has yearned for,
Don’t contradict me,
YOU'RE too confused to realize
YOUR temporary blindness.

I’ve been shut up so many times,
I cant handle being alone,
I cant handle having the feeling
Of not being wanted

Someone claim Im loved
And yet YOU'RE the one to hurt me.
Someone claim they know me
More than anyone else,
And yet YOU'RE the one
Who don’t understand me.

I maybe morbid strange,
Or whatever else it may be,
I can be hurt just as easily

I love who I am,
I love how I act,
I love the way GOD made me,

And if YOU think
YOU can cut me down
For who I am,
Then YOU'RE the one not worth it.

rEaLiTy SpAsM (XIII hOuRs)

2004-10-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

They call it REALITY SPASM, come purple ghost rising to the ceiling.
A blaze of heat, some ferocious trick devouring the mind.
Once your there, your home, 13 hours to catch the last fall back into your body.
Comes like clockwork, a sick joke counting backwards to the punchline.
It issues it sentence and once your serving you become a slave to it.

First it hits the mind, tearing you from your consciousness, and then you go through the next phase.
Your thoughts will go haywire as there thrown violently around your head.
Your next breath of air is the match to ignite the petrol of your conscience and once it lits reality has kissed you goodbye.
Then you see a sign and without reading it you know what it says....

Welcome to
D(d)R(l)E(r)A(o)M(w)W(m)O(a)R(e)L(r)D(d)
have a nice day.........

[2nd plateau]
Enter the night, the next something unbelievable but right now impossible is not a word I understand.
Things don't make sense but what is sense?
A word?
Not in this world, not in this state of existence, state of emergency?
Once more I say no.
After all its my choice to be here, I bought the ticket and left my body so far behind the sky is
pretty here, forgot who I am but I dont care.
Problems,
P r o b l e m s,
P r o b l e m s,
P r o b l e m s
well not now, not here.

You canit catch me, king of this castle, throne in my head and my crown in my blood, royalty of overlapping reality. Its all downhill surreal from here.........
1st plateau came from far off wasn't me or was it?
2nd plateau now, 3rd straight ahead.
The clock keeps ticking, the world stopped sticking and the brakes have been cut, no stopping now, no turning back now final exit too far back.
Spread your wings and your soul now fly.........
"And the next stage of evolution takes hold......."

[plateau 3-4]
Feels like heaven, but heaven?
Something that meant something, somewhere long ago..
I can't feel pain and I like it fells good.
4th plateau my final stop, I exit the vehicle and admire the scenery.
Blood rush to the head it flushes the face, pupils open right up and hand control over to this new reality, don't fail me now.
Suddenly I feel my head roll back its heavy, it makes my whole body dilate, my veins are alive now and I'm distracted again.
Here it comes........
The lights are swirling, revolving around me breaking down and reforming, shattering utter yet remaining flawlessly merged.
They dance gently sparking the air and setting the world turning in motion.
I see people, I see places and each person in each different place lives a different life each an individual.

I'm back in my mind safe in the womb of my own world, the air becomes my amniotic fluid.
I suck it in and spit it out this mothers milk is poison..
The walls are warped , flowing like fluids, every noise I make, makes them shudder.
Lights return, they form shapes and colours and they plant themselves at my feet and then they grow, a tree is formed and each branch represents the diversity of life.
The tree engulfs me , this time in held in mother natures womb.
She holds me and her heart beat becomes my lullaby.
Never alone even here on my own, be it the noise in my head or some entity I find myself speaking to.
Somehow the world no longer exists, there's just this something I'm totally lost in.
The logic of the real world no longer applies, and a new logic only I understand takes shape within me, now I feel a part of what it is my birth right to be a part of.
Outside no more.
And slowly the last fall arrive and I'm reeling back to reality, my body feels closer im coming back to life.

D(d)R(l)E(r)A(o)M(w)W(m)O(a)R(e)L(r)D(d) is leaving me or am I leaving it?
Maybe I'll never know but I've got all these memories a treasure of mine alone.....

iN tHe BeGiNnInG....

2004-10-27T12:36:00.000+08:00

Today... as I was browsing my friendster
I found something.. RRS, 'what's this?'
I opened the site to blogger.com
And, well hey... HERE I AM.

As I read what does bloggger means
I immediately became fascinated
And make an account of my own
To publish my creations of mind

I love writing poems
Pushing out my thoughts
Creatively setting the words
And make a wonderful outcome.

It is of my own idea,
I don't need somebody's critics
For it is come out deep in my mind
So surreal but I'm happy about it.

And so thanks for this site,
I know I cannot make poems professionally
But am just happy contributing
Something out of my own...